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A Short Critique on the State of Craft Beer in 2020  In 2020 craft beer is a fashion statement. It’s very grammable and goes well with all forms of superficial douchebaggery. The beers have crazy names and graphics to go with them, and are deliberately extreme and trendy. This ain’t your grandpappy’s bland beer! Hell, this ain’t no big corporate shit! This is locally-sourced, hand-crafted, one-of-a-kind, super-tasty-epic-espialidociousness!! Every batch is so incredibly unique and mind-blowing that you simply MUST try it now! Otherwise you’ll have just missed one of the most transformative, orgasmic life experiences to be had by the mouth (that’s what I usually tell my potential sex partners). Sardonic remarks aside, the reality is that craft beer today is about image as much as it is about flavour. There are craft beer communities the world over, although craft beer is biggest in North America. The typical craft beer enthusiast is a beerded, middle-aged white male; but that is changing. Equally pretentious women are ever-present, and their numbers are growing. And while there have always been people of colour enjoying craft beer – just not many – the number of non-white craft beer drinkers is growing. We’re finally starting to see some proper representation in the industry, thanks in part to organizations like Beer. Diversity (www.beer-diversity.com/), black-owned craft breweries (although most are located in the U.S.), and initiatives like Black is Beatiful. Brand new drinkers also are getting in on the fun, mostly out of curiosity. Craft beer is something different. It easily presents as counterculture and non-mainstream. It follows that if you’re all tatted up with whatever nonsense it is you think covers up your insecurities, then you better damn well know a thing or two about craft beer! And so the tatted twats and hip young drinkers are now woke to craft beer. In 2020, as for several years now, extreme beers dominate. Presently, heavily hopped, hazy IPAs, and tangy, tart (or super-sour) beers are all the rage. Just make the beer memorable like a Fizz candy. It sells, and there’s more room for error because extreme flavours mask off flavours. The focus is not on quality, balance, or consistency. And to be honest that’s not all bad, as craft brewing is an art after all.  Things have gotten out of hand as brewers work to out-do each other in hoppiness. And in the process, all different kinds of new hop varieties have been developed. In recent years, brewers started making extremely hoppy beers that – get this – aren’t bitter at all. So you can drink a hoppy beer that isn’t bitter. Fun, right? I personally don’t think so. You’re not really enjoying hops without bitterness – it’s like eating a grape without the skin. To make matters worse, most of these “juicy” beers lack a malt backbone and have only perceived sweetness; and they taste like tropical juice. Why don’t you just drink a fizzy citrus and pineapple cocktail, you pretentious fuck! Quit pretending you actually like craft beer!* Enter the New England IPA. This beer is “hazy” – it’s cloudy and looks like someone shot a hot load into your beer (did you?? she said). NEIPAs, or hazy IPAs, tend to be yellowish and taste like sweet orange and tropical fruit. So if you’ve had an IPA that tasted like grapefruit and pine and didn’t like it, just grab a juicy, hazy IPA. It turns out most craft beer drinkers today prefer the less bitter, more juicy IPAs (@#$%!!). As for “dank” IPAs, these taste like marijuana and are more earthy and bitter than a typical juicy IPA. In case you haven’t already heard, hops and weed are tight - like family.  Now what about sours? Let’s be clear, the best are Belgian. They are the originals and remain the benchmark. But every now and then some outstanding sours come out of North America. Sour beers are more popular than I would have expected, and some people who don’t normally drink beer, or typically drink bland lagers, actually love sours. The new craft beer enthusiast should keep in mind that some sours are acetic (like vinegar) while others are tart (like lemon). If you like Kombucha, then you have a taste for the acetic. If you like sour candy that makes you pucker, then you’re a masochist. Look at the description of the “sour” beer to get an idea of whether or not you’ll like it. Many sours are barrel aged and have fruit added, but these usually are much more sour than sweet. If you easily get heartburn, it’s best to avoid sours or limit yourself to tasting small quantities at a time. There ain’t much difference between a lager and an ale no mo. You can find heavily hopped lagers that taste just like ales, and lagered ales that taste just like lagers. You can also find dark lagers that taste like porters or stouts and are high in alcohol content. Unless you’re drinking traditional beers, it’s best to go by the descriptors and not whether it’s a lager or an ale. These current trends of hazy, juicy IPAs and tart sours won't last forever. So what's on the horizon? Light, crisp lagers and low alcohol beers are what. These have been increasing in popularity over the past couple years, and there are some big developments already in terms of offerings by craft brewers. This is partly due to pretentious fucks getting concerned about developing into fat fucks, and younger drinkers not being keen on getting drunk. Personally I've been moving to lighter and dealcoholized beers for a few years now, mostly because I love beer and don't want to be a drunk. I call myself an organoleptic**. It's also pretty nice to be able to drive while sipping on a (dealcoholized) beer. And if you're on medication that doesn't go well with alcohol, or are in a depressive funk, you can still enjoy beer. Just readjust your standards a little... Alcohol acts synergistically with other components of beer to enhance flavour. So without alcohol some beers taste bland or like tea (or teabagging depending on who you ask). However, I'm sure new technology will solve this problem sooner than later. That’s all for now folks! I’m sure I’ve missed some important points and trends, but the above is what comes to mind when I think of the state of craft beer in 2020. Ultimately, taste is personal. There are no bad beers. There are beers you like, there are beers not to your liking, and there are beers that have spoiled. Even some beers that did not turn out as intended actually are tasty surprises (“that’s my sex” they said). Of course, the beerded douches among us will readily call beers “bad”, so beware when asking them what they think of a particular brew. Follow your taste, follow your tongue (that’s what she said). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Please, for the love of Ford, quit calling it “juicy”; after all, “fruity” is more accurate as these beers taste nothing like carrot juice, or grape juice, or a whackload of other juices for that matter. I honestly would prefer they be called wimpy, or limp-dick IPAs. But that wouldn’t be Correct, now would it? ** Organoleptism: Addiction to sensory stimulation, particularly in relation to beer. Ex. He's a sad organoleptic. His organoleptism drives him to sample beers to the detriment of social interaction with peers. -----------------------------------------------------
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